Earlier today Mrs Exile and I were in the toiletries and medicines aisle of one of the main supermarkets where we noticed something that gave us one of our periodic public fits of hysterical giggles. In this particular supermarket the condoms and KY jelly are now on the same rack of shelves as the nicotine replacement therapy stuff, and this prompted the same thought to occur to us both: relaxing after a session of passionate and energetic lovemaking by sticking a nicotine patch to your arm probably isn’t the same as lighting up a cigarette. For starters surely the patch would just slide off…
One day we’re going to be asked to leave. I just know it.
I was with you until the “session of passionate and energetic lovemaking” with the wife……..spooky.
You were with… ?
Get out of my house, you pervert!
But it’s good to know my invisibility cloak was still working.
I was thinking of putting the footage on YouTube – well, the inch-age if we’re being pedantic….. !
But it’s good to know my invisibility cloak was still working.
You were here for the Harry Potter roleplay? Oh no…..
And it’s centimeterage if you don’t mind. Not just because it’s metric Down Under, but some things sound better multiplied by a factor of 2.5.
PS And no, the product isn’t still 2.5.
I must say, I thought Mrs Exile’s ‘Hermione’ was almost Oscar-winning stuff. Shame about Dumbledore.
This is getting bizarre.
Bizarre is on Thursday nights.
>KY jelly
If you get a ‘smoking-related’ disease (even though non-smokers get them too), the Righteous will consider you a burden and castigate you, despite the vast sums of tax you paid and your magnanimous leaving of this life before you took your full whack of your pension (and the costs of keeping you alive until you died some other way).
Get aids, and WE MUST FIND A CURE.
(you wouldn’t use KY with a frenchie)
(you wouldn’t use KY with a frenchie)
* resists temptation to make a joke about Brigitte Bardot *
Nicotine patches are an effective contraceptive. Mrs Nowhere tried to give up with patches a few years ago, but her skin reacted badly to the adhesive and she came up in a red rash wherever the patches were, which lasted a few days. It was like going to bed with a comedy giraffe. Quite a passion-killer. That’s presumably why they are on the same shelf as the noddies.
The one time I tried patches – this was before I realised that I didn’t need the damn things if I genuinely want to stop smoking and they’d be useless anyway if I didn’t – they had a similar effect on me. Don’t recall my neck stretching to several times its normal length but I got the weird marks.
I tried patches once but gave up. The damn things wouldnt light.
It seems to me that attaching a nicotine… viagra… and no hangover patch… would be a great start to the weekend.
But you cant beat the real thing. I do know someone who used cigarettes as a contraceptive since they advertised on the packet that smoking reduces fertility.
……at least they didn’t put the KY jelly next to the Vick!!!!
Yeah, wouldn’t want to get those mixed up.