Bats….in the Belfry

I like weekends and Sundays, mainly because I can get down to some serious reading, courtesy of the Barclay Brothers (Saturday Telegraph) and Rupert Murdoch (Sunday Times); and relish reading the many sections written by many talented, and unfortunately a few less so: journalists and writers. I especially delight in reading the ‘experts’ when they are replying to unfortunate correspondents in the field of commerce, money and of course, house maintenance and construction.

One of the more lunatic ideas grasped by one or other of the mobile lunatic asylums masquerading as Westminster Government is the total and undiluted protection of bats. Some clown decided that they were in ‘need’ of legal protection, with the result that they (the bats) get more protection than the average suburb receives from Muslim terror gangs, or even individual raghead Islamic nut-jobs, as I happily name them.

This person writes in that her cousin’s home, a converted barn in East Anglia, has been selected as a daytime roost for a swarm, or whatever the bloody term is for a large mobile crowd of these flying rodents; and states that while she would like to be rid of these noisy, dirty, smelly rodents, she is nervous about the Bat Conservation Trust; and well she might. This particular crowd of busy-bodies is relentless when it comes to the protection and provision of home comforts for their favourite winged pests, and the East Anglian lady would be well-advised to keep ‘schtum’, and rid herself of these pests quietly, and with zero noise or rue the day she contacted this particular bunch.

I have a small expertise in ridding premises of these pests, and once or twice have used my skills, with the usual small reward upon completion. My equipment was easy to carry and utilise; this being a very powerful torch, and an old-fashioned camera large flashgun. Once the area was surveyed and the centre of the nuisance established, I would establish my base, and simply charge up the flashgun, and fire it off, as often as necessary. The light itself doesn’t do any damage, but the recharging battery makes a distinctive seriously high-pitched whine as the capacitor receives its charge: and as is possibly know by every bat-hater in the nation (South Africa), the bats hate and fear that ultrasonic noise, as it interferes with their own navigation systems, they being ultrasound-based. Half-an-hour’s work followed by a swift seal up of the roofing cavities where the flying pests entered in the first place; ending with a swift application of a fumigation gas, just to ensure that the rodents don’t feel welcomed on their return: but its the flashgun noise which does the trick every time.

It is a pity the correspondent’s cousin lives in East Anglia, as I cannot easily get away from my home in County Durham; but still have the flashgun and camera; just for ‘emergencies’, of course!

7 comments for “Bats….in the Belfry

  1. Ted Treen
    September 4, 2016 at 11:10 pm

    But what if they’re middle-eastern bats? Disturbing bats of that persuasion would probably mean a life sentence, or execution.

  2. Daedalus
    September 5, 2016 at 5:16 am

    I suspect that under the act, using ultra sonics to keep the bats at bay would also be included as disturbing them. And hefty fines or imprisonment would follow.

    • September 5, 2016 at 9:51 am

      And I suspect that there would be considerable difficulty in proving ‘intent’ to disturb these flying rodents.

      If anyone can actually prove my involvement, and would like to try a private prosecution, they are welcome; but they would have to prove both presence, and intent.

      I suspect the fuzz have an awful time dealing with ordinary crime; I would really like to see someone prove my involvement in an alleged incident which happened some six-odd thousand miles away, and some thirty-five years in the past. As for the flash-gun: ‘well, Officer, its just for taking photographs’!

  3. Scrobs...
    September 5, 2016 at 7:29 am

    A similar system rids the roof of wasps too.

    It’s not so much the sound thing, I just leave the lights on all night when they want to snooze, and they soon get the idea of moving on!

    Plus I chuck half a can of ‘Raid’ around for good measure…

  4. September 5, 2016 at 11:10 am

    The light idea sounds good. I use that … plus the garlic … to keep out the vampires. Where I live, I have bats in the belfry something awful.

  5. Andrew Duffin
    September 5, 2016 at 3:15 pm

    Bats are a disgusting and destructive nuisance in churches, with which East Anglia is well-provided.

    I believe there are people one can contact (indirectly), if one knows the right pubs to visit, who can magically arrange for the bats to depart. Perhaps they use flashguns too – nobody ever asks how it’s done, or ever meets the people involved.

    Such are the unintended consequences of absurd laws.

    • September 11, 2016 at 5:16 pm

      System again, Andrew. Your comment was in 305 spam comments. Sorry about it.

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