Don’t cuddle cats

kitten-cuddly

It’s true we get these things all the time, this one about ‘experts’ saying don’t cuddle or bring your face near a cat might be one of those, it might not.

The doctors have warned that hands should always be washed after touching cats, and to avoid kissing felines where possible.

They also advised cat owners ensure their pet is protected from fleas.

Dr. Christina Nelson of the CDC said: “The scope and impact of the disease is a little bit larger than we thought,

“Cat-scratch is preventable. If we can identify the populations at risk and the patterns of disease, we can focus the prevention efforts.”

Kittens and strays are more likely to carry the disease. The disease is spread when you are scratched by an infected cat, or when you don’t wash your hands and touch your mouth after stroking an infected cat.

Plenty of caveats there.

All right, I hear all cat lovers, all those cat ladies, both old and nubile, saying – I’ve kissed my cat for decades and nothing ever happened to me. I see dog owners delight in their dog slobbering all over them, as if in need of displays of affection. At times, devoted owners seem to want to almost have sex with their animals as if they’re human.

And someone interpreting this as jealousy for the affection of the human female is jumping onto her own bandwagon. It ain’t about that in the least, it’s about hygiene.

And yes, I’ve heard all that guff about how the best restaurant meals are from unclean kitchens, that a bit of grime never hurt anyone, in fact it builds up the immunity system and so on and so on – I’ve been the same place you have, I’ve had pets … but it still stands.

Case in point – WN2 many moons ago. She bought a seal point cat, supposedly one of the better ones and she lavished attention on it. No, don’t jump the gun – not jealousy in the least, it’s a blinkin’ animal for goodness sake, not a rival lover.

And here’s the complication – animals seem to like me personally for some reason. Soft touch? Certain owners have said I’m nothing special, she/he [the animal] does that with anyone. I can’t speak to that but I do know that when visiting, for example, a builder’s yard, his dog wants to jump all over me, sensing some sort of long lost companion. And fine little chappy he is too.

And I’m fine bobbing down and patting or stroking [depending on animal], I’m even fine when she/he jumps up into the lap. Then up comes that slavering tongue to my face.

Where I do draw the line is the facial stuff. I had two kittens many decades ago who every morning wanted to clean my ears out, one either side, as if that’s what I needed upon awakening.

Can’t I just maintain a position of happily smiling at, even patting and playing ball with an animal and look, I’ve no desire to go out killing animals, I detest cruelty to animals in any form but anything super-close, as in face to face, is reserved for humans. Think of the next person, human, who has to kiss you.

And no, I’m not one to put the dog or cat out into the freezing cold and drizzle at night, no way known. I don’t even mind the feline on the quilt at the foot of the bed. But not inside the bed, if you catch my drift.

Unfortunately, certain wives/gfs over time have not seen it that way. She thinks it fine to have lip snogged the feline and then expects me to directly lip snog her. She’s just spent ages getting herself all hygienic for the ordeal and expects me to have done similar, then along comes the cat and she needs to do the ritual washing thing all over again.

No thanks. I swear I never told a woman, ‘Go wash your mouth and face first,’ as it may well have been the end. It was the end soon enough anyway but that’s another story.

That seal point casually climbing in between our respective four and a half legs in mid flight between the sheets one night, me grabbing said seal point by the scruff [perfectly acceptable lifting point] and gently, mind, placing said seal point on floor to the side – well as you’ve guessed, that was coitus interruptus for this unfeeling brute of a man.

And as she of the bitterly hurt feelings snogged the feline in our bed and muttered said sentiments, it was odds on she was going to follow that with, ‘Anyway, you’re just jealous.’

‘No, you’re a total fruitcake or bestiality fetishist, one of the two,’ I never dared say.

As for jealousy, which I’ve mentioned a few times now, there is such a thing as protecting your territory, something she was quite happy to do, but when I did it, it was jealousy. And it was another man I was referring to [thinking of Angelina Jolie here in reverse].

Plus, like so many females with any looks, she loved getting her man jealous, deliberately, as both amusement and some sort of self-affirmation for her insecurities.

But all that is another post.

So to come back to it – don’t effing snog animals please anywhere I am. And just because I won’t, doesn’t mean I hate animals or hate your little pride and joy. I probably quite like the object of your adoration, truth be told, very much and vice-versa. But as mates, not as lovers.