You can never go back

Great post at Bill Sticker’s:

There are sayings that “You can never go home again.” or “You can’t cross the same river twice.” and now ten years after Mrs S and I began our Canadian adventure I find there is much truth in them. Having gone back to blighty on five separate occasions, visiting places where I grew up only to find a chilly welcome and a “Oh, what’re you doing back here?” No one wants to know you. Old work mates make repeated excuses to not have a beer and a chin wag like you used to, even when you’ve spent thousands to go and see them. When you meet people you thought were good friends it’s a little spooky to watch their faces close down when you say “Hi.”

I tried to give an answer – everyone’s in the here and now, with the minutes of everyday counted. Someone else not in the current ratrace is just an added issue to negotiate for most people.  We’ve mapped out the coming week, have to go here, there, everywhere.

It’s not good, you know you want to have the time for everything but keep getting drawn into things which have to be done each day, each week.  And so the weeks shoot by, hanging out for Friday.

I’ve been wanting to get to Grandad, Bill, others on the roll, I want to comment at Mike’s and Julia’s, and something just prevents it – lack of organization? I swear it’s not that I don’t want, I’m quite onside with them, with most of you – it’s just finding the minutes before crashing out, exhausted. For example, I’ll be in hospital today in another city.

Twitter certainly helps – I can stay close to Julia there, Leggy, many others, wish Mike were there, FB is useless as one needs to sign in and the navigating is so hard … or so I find and FB have these 98 people to see and so on, most whom I’ve never known and FB considers are friends of friends of friends.

Instagram? Have to be kidding. Phone? Skype? I can’t, for medical reasons.

Bill needs to understand it might not be him that’s the issue with his mates at all, it could well be just the pressure from living, from commitments.

It’s no way to live, we should always be able to make time.  It’s not even prioritizing and valuing some people more.  It’s not that.

Email helps but that seems more impersonal to me than blogs and Twitter.  I don’t know the solution to what Bill’s speaking of and I know it does hurt to see a falling face when you see someone again.  I know that feeling well, but that’s OK, we make our own bed to lie in.

7 comments for “You can never go back

  1. December 11, 2017 at 5:09 am

    Think it might also be that England’s not a particularly happy place right now with the political divide, invaders, cost of everything, even getting about.

  2. Scroblene
    December 11, 2017 at 6:12 am

    I’ve been thinking about this for some time now…

    I went to the funeral of a great local hero recently, and met quite a few old chums from forty plus years ago.

    Came away despondent, especially as I didn’t recognise half of them, and was told that I wouldn’t have been recognised either.

    Probably won’t do that again.

  3. MadNumismatist
    December 11, 2017 at 7:49 am

    Definitely something to do with not being “in the rat race” but I would say on the same wave length/ rhythm when you return. First time I left was August and came back in December all excited. Then discovered they were doing same thing, same place, with same people; it was like groundhog day. Had Christmas with parents and booked an early flight and fled back to whence I came. Spent new year’s on my own meeting new people and creating a new life. It was 25 years before I returned and don’t even bother looking people up, I have changed too much and on a completely different wave length.

  4. Hereward Unbowed.
    December 11, 2017 at 8:02 am

    We all change as we grow older, you might not think so inwardly but externally even if your body has not completely succumbed to the ravages of age, it is not physically possible to return back to somewhere as ‘the old you’.

    You move out of an area and go back, people have shut off from you particularly so if you’ve lost contact with them, it’s just human nature and is nothing personal, you made your bed and so do others.

    Not many will welcome the prodigal’s return, not least if you’re showing some gaudy mannerisms, lost the accent, perhaps you didn’t know the town as well as you thought that you did.

    All people alter, attitudes harden, opinions become so distant and far away from your own personal point of view – I recognize this particularly in cousins, especially if they’ve moved to the ‘smoke’, they talk utter tosh – mind you with some, no change there.

    Despite continents and distance, space and time, then, with true friends, you can pick up almost as if no time has passed since your last meeting. And some do miss you, but that’s up to the individual.

    Many unlovables crave to be wanted. Then, some just want a life without governmental micromanaging interference and if you go to Canada, I’ve heard it ain’t so much better.

    And these days, I can really dig the appeal of the Sunshine State…………’on the bay’ or the Keys maybe, if, you don’t mind the odd blowy day or two.

    The old adage is, never go back and for a myriad of reasons and immigration, in and through my own personal circumstances, I am about to put it to the test, I dread it but also cannot avoid it.

    • December 11, 2017 at 9:25 pm

      I am coming to think of it this way; if they really missed you, maybe you’d get the odd message or card once in a while in response to your own. Otherwise you’re just background noise your sometime friends and family neither really want or care about. No explaining it.

      • Hereward Unbowed.
        December 11, 2017 at 11:28 pm

        It is a great shame but there it is.

        I also think that, Britain or should I say England is not the place it used to be, people are nervous, not secure and show it in many different ways this exhibits itself as a hostile attitude to people who were once close, a distance it widens. Aye, England is a very unhappy place for the many, I can sense that – very much so. For Twenty years and longer, if you include the major years – of the EU running amok and of the NWO, people pouring in who hate us and the Christian tradition… mass immigration = poorly paid insecure and shit jobs – it does that to a people. There will be a reckoning and soon, it’s all coming to a head, or boiling pt.

  5. December 11, 2017 at 9:03 am

    Yes, food for thought above.

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