Posts Tagged ‘ Just bloody think about it will you? ’

“We Want The Government To Punish Vultures For Being Vultures!”

May 10, 2013 7 Comments
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The body of a 52-year-old woman who fell to her death in the Pyrenees was devoured by Griffon vultures before emergency services were able to retrieve it. Furious locals are demanding that authorities take action against the endangered carrion-eaters after they left only the woman’s bones, clothes and shoes for burial. What sort of action? Convert them to vegetarianism? ‘When we first went out in the helicopter looking for the…

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In Which The Progressives Do Another 180…

April 13, 2013 5 Comments
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Archie Bland, deputy editor of the ‘Indy’ on the Paris Brown affair: … no one had thought to check on the hapless girl’s Twitter account, but the Mail on Sunday did, had a look through it, and alighted upon a “torrent of foul-mouthed rants” from which it constructed a front page. And now Paris Brown has had to resign. Some of the tweets are awful. Then again, this is the…

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Yes, Mrs Nieman, Young People Go To Ibiza For ‘Fun’, All Right…

April 8, 2013 9 Comments
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The mother of a Croydon clubber who died in Ibiza after taking ecstasy has called for a clampdown on drug taking on the party isle. Why? Have they started ramming it down the throats of the unwilling? Today her mother, Debbie Nieman, 50, said she was “disgusted” by the availability of drugs and the prevalence of drug pushers on the island after she tracked the last movements of her daughter.…

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A Multi-Agency Strategy Meeting! That’ll Solve Everything!

March 26, 2013 6 Comments
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Today one parent, who did not want to be named, said: “I am disgusted. I can’t believe she was allowed to live with a man who would do something like that and then come in to work with children. I don’t know if he has been into the nursery, but it is terrifying. It’s terrifying that this is a free country, one can have a relationship with whoever one wishes?…

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Let’s Hear The Tape Then, Eh?

March 20, 2013 5 Comments
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Geoff Platt called 999 after being followed around Purley town centre on Tuesday by a burly man with tattoos on his face who was shouting and swearing at him. Geoff Platt is a 6ft 6 23 stone ex-cop. If he’s worried… He tried to report it at Purley Police Station, only to discover it was closed, so when he reached the railway station he decided to call 999. “I felt…

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Solve The Problem I Created, Big Nanny Council!

March 16, 2013 20 Comments
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The head of a Gravesend school yards from where a 12-year-old girl was hit by a car and dragged under a bus this morning is calling for urgent action… Oh, let me guess. Speed restrictions? It is, after all, the usual demand. That, or lollipop patrols. … to slash the volume of traffic. Eh..?! How..? What’s causing it? The section of Rochester Road, between the junctions with Forge Lane and…

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If We Follow This To Its Logical Conclusion…

March 14, 2013 10 Comments
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Troubled Bournemouth nightspot V Club has had its licence revoked, following a serious stabbing there last month. Licensing chiefs voted to take the drastic measure after a day spent hearing evidence from police, who claimed the premises was associated with serious crime. ‘Associated with’ it in the sense their customers cause it. But should we blame a business for what its customers do? The police have set a precedent with…

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When The Cure Is Worse Than The Disease…

February 24, 2013 7 Comments
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These are the two men police want to speak to after a customer was smashed over the head with a glass bottle in an unprovoked attack at a violence-plagued Manchester city centre takeaway. It’s shocking, this violence at late-night take aways. Someone should do something about it. Oh. Wait! Last week the M.E.N. revealed that the takeaway, in Manchester’s Gay Village, had been banned from opening late at night after…

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“Drop the trowel & dibber, sonny, you’re nicked!”

February 16, 2013 4 Comments
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“Drop the trowel & dibber, sonny, you’re nicked!”

  You’ve got to admit, it’s not often you see that sort of headline, is it?  What prompted this? Cocaine amongst the campanulas? Heroin concealed amongst the hollyhocks? Well, no. Amazing as it may seem, it you sell legal equipment and aren’t asking any questions about the use to which your customers might be putting it, the fuzz will come calling: The operation came after five months of work where officers visited…

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Out Of The Mouths Of Babes…

January 25, 2013 7 Comments
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When the kids have rumbled the flaw in your grand plan, you know you’ve lost… Pupil Jake Phillips, 15, said that “speakeasies” are starting up selling the prohibited drinks. “There is business potential now there’s a gap in the market,” he said.“Gangsters sold alcohol in America when that was banned. Prohibition always leads to supply and demand. That means anyone who sneaks it in can make a lot of money.”…

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Fido And Tiddles Will Be Next…

December 14, 2012 12 Comments
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…I mean, would anyone put it past them? The RSPCA has called for a general ban on keeping monkeys as pets after a case of animal neglect was heard by a Plymouth court. Yes indeed. Because this idiot bought an animal he was unable to care for properly (and was rightly punished for his cruelty by our judicial system) the RSPCA seeks to ensure that no-one else – whether able or…

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Forget Musical Chairs, It’s Musical Paedos!

November 30, 2012 10 Comments
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Martin Kettle on Benjamin Brittan: Is it important, and if so in what sense and to what degree, that one of this country’s most significant composers of the past century – in many people’s view, the most significant modern British composer of them all – was intensely attracted to underage young boys, invited them to stay at his home, sometimes took them into his bed, or kissed them? I’d have…

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You Have The Right To Make Representations…But We Won’t Let You Attend.

November 26, 2012 5 Comments
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The family of a mother-of-two stabbed to death by a drug-crazed teenager in south London said today they fear the public could be put at risk after her killer was freed. Because, you see, he’s all better now… Ezekiel Maxwell, who attacked Carmelita Tulloch near her home in Kennington in 2006, was deemed fit for release by a tribunal after five years in a secure hospital. And if he stops…

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Breeding The ‘It’s Everyone Else’s Responsibility’ Generation…

November 18, 2012 8 Comments
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Police are warning that a child could be killed crossing car-clogged streets at school time after a pupil was knocked down. The nine-year-old Bridlington schoolgirl escaped with minor injuries after being hit by a car as she tried to cross between parked vehicles. Great, so…they are warning the schoolchildren, right? Insp Hughes is urging parents to avoid clogging up the streets outside schools with parked cars as they wait to…

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Good Grief! I Must Be Turning Into A Lefty!

November 14, 2012 2 Comments
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I mean, first I agreed with Mary Dejevsky. Now I’m agreeing with Peter Wilby… The late Richard Webster, a writer who dedicated many years to campaigning for “abusers” he believed were wrongly convicted, saw analogies with medieval witch hunts. Genuine witches existed, practising magic and calling on supernatural forces, but they were mostly eccentric individuals, not members of an international conspiracy threatening church and state. Since even real witches were…

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